It will happen to us all. Your child wants something, maybe even wants it desperately, but you just can’t afford it. What can you say to them?
This is going to depend on a few things, such as how old your child is, and how much of the groundwork you’ve laid. Does your child understand that some things cost more than others? Do they understand that you don’t have an endless supply of money? Do they have some idea about prioritizing what you spend money on – budgeting? The more of this groundwork you’ve laid, the easier this conversation will be.
Always start by being honest with them. You can say no, while acknowledging that you understand this is something they really want. You could talk about the things you need that that money would buy. You could talk about ways it might be possible for your child to save up for that thing they want.
One of our favourites at The Hoard Book, especially with young children who might not yet have enough understanding of money for the above, is to put it on a wish list (this works really well too if you take them to a shop and they want everything in sight). So, when they say they want something, you can offer to put it on their wish list. Your child feels listened to, and they know that you have understood that they really want something. And you might have some useful ideas for their next birthday!
However, it’s important to frame these conversations positively. Instead of just stating, “We can’t afford it,” you can use this as a teaching moment. Explain why the family can't afford the item now and discuss the difference between wants and needs. This helps children understand that money isn’t unlimited and that sometimes we must make difficult choices to prioritize necessary expenses over desires.
Furthermore, talking about family finances openly (in age-appropriate terms) can demystify money issues and help children understand why you can’t always afford everything they might want. This might involve showing them the household budget or explaining how you allocate funds for different expenses. This way, they see that not being able to afford something isn’t arbitrary but is based on real, understandable reasons.
You could also consider talking to your child about them contributing towards the thing they want. If they want something you can't afford, discuss ways they might be able to earn money or save their allowance towards their goal. This not only teaches the value of money and delayed gratification but also gives them a sense of achievement and responsibility once they manage to save enough.
What’s your approach? How do you handle these delicate financial discussions with your children? Sharing your experiences might help other parents navigate their own challenging conversations.
Commentaires